Wednesday, November 30, 2005

*crawls out from under mountainous pile of schoolwork*

*reaches toward guiding hands attempting to help her*

*realizes it's the Patriots Secondary, stands up, runs screaming the other way*

Okay, so I didn't actually watch the Pats game on Sunday, and have no recent reason to do that. But still, I don't have to watch the games anymore. I can feel the shudders going through the Force any time a halfway decent QB uncorks a deep ball towards the sidelines.

And seriously, it's getting to the point with the O-Line where I'm gonna have to go buy some shoulder pads, tie Nick Kaczur to a pipe somwhere underneath Gillette, and protect No. 12 myself. He is the newest member of the The Closet. I may be pissed at Tommy for the 4 INTS on Sunday, but by God he will survive to lose our first round playoff game in January.

Thinking about it, offensive lineman might be the only position I could play. I got the upper arm strength. And believe it or not, the protective spurts of aggression. I would just imagine that Tommy was holding my little two-year old cousin Jasper, and you would not want to see what happened to the D-Line. ( I would have subbed the Brother, but the Brother is now taller than me, and thus can take care of himself.)

On a positive note, the Marauding Llamas are third in the Surviving Grady Fantasy Football Throwdown. Which is better then it sounds, because Meredith is so far ahead of the rest of us that I'm grading our league on a curve, meaning I'm really second. The fact that Eli Manning and the Giants managed to lose their game, but not before providing Elisha with 344 YDS, 2 TDs and no INTS, also makes me very happy.

79-ish days till the first day of Spring Training. With Josh Beckett (wooo!), He Who Shall Now Be Called Milo Until Proven Otherwise, and Guillermo Mota in the bullpen. Speaking of which, it seems that the All-Powerful Vegetable Mojo will now be known as the All-Powerful Bullpen Vegetable Mojo. Which I can deal with.

What I cannnot deal with? Lack of Manny. Lack of Manny's bat in the lineup.
nonononononono no take Manny I want Manny why are you going away Manny want Manny WAAAAH!*
Got that out of my system.
But seriously. Manny trade talk makes Emma's head explode.

I think I'm actually glad I haven't gotten in to the Celts or the Bruins. Because from what I hear tell of how much they are sucking, I don't think I could deal with the pile-on.

Monday, November 21, 2005

It's Over Before It Even Had A Chance To Begin

Hanley gone.

This isn't the ghastly and drastic stupid move I was afraid of. Beckett has tremendous upside, and is 25. Lowell had some upside, not so long ago. And Hanley would have banged around the system while waiting for Edgar's contract to run its course. This could work out well for the Sox.

But it's still jarring nonetheless. Hanley was part of that group of prospects we thought were untouchable under Theo. Is this seraphims descending out of the clouds, or the 4 horsemen of the Apolcalypse? No one can know.

The days are growing darker. And Bart Giamatti was right; the game itself abandons you when you need it most.

Oh yeah, there was in fact a football game yesterday, and one on Saturday. which I promise to write about eventually. But right now, Thanksgiving can't come soon enough.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Fragments of A Fourth Quarter

[Because of certain elements of real life, it was necessary for me to read Fragments of Ossianic Poetry instead of watching the 2nd and 3rd quarters. However, I tuned in right in time for the most stressful fourth quarter since.....well, since the Falcons game in October. Herein, I reproduce fragments from the oral tradition that is the SG Message board]

[Dolphins score a 4th quarter touchdown to take the lead with 5-ish minutes on the clock]


Tommy- You will fix this. And you will fix this now. Or I will assist Kristen in flicking your ears till you cry.

[Tommy and Timmy and Benji fix things with a 43 second 4/5 play touchdown drive]

And now we rely on the Defense---- *hides head under pillow*

[McMichaels gets about 20 yards down the sideline]


[Eugene Wilson somehow fucks up his hand; Dolphins enter the Red Zone]

God seriously hates the Pats Secondary.


Gus Frerotte: 355 yards passing. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SENTENCE.

God bless you Ellis Hobbs.

[Asante Samuel and company make a stop on 4th and Goal; Pats win the game somehow]

*faints to the floor in a swoon*

Bob Lobel just compared the Pats D this year, to the 2005 Red Sox Bullpen. I would like to submit, at least as regards the secondary, that they might possibly be worse. Not by much mind you, but worse. It may be the smaller scale (16 games vs. 162). But I go into games like this having no faith that if pressed, the secondary can make the plays. At least with Timlin and later Papelbon, I always had someone to count on to make that pitch and get that out. With this secondary, I don't even have that.

Well, at least we're back to a winning record; and in this division, that may be all it takes.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Can I Challenge Shaughnessy To A Lightsaber Duel?

It's high time to lift the atmosphere of somber that has hung over the Sox blogosphere. And nothing does that like self-deprecation plus costumes. Without more ado, the most cheap-ass Jedi costume ever:

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Theo's got his gorilla suit; I've got my lavender bathrobe.

Oh, and *finger-bone waggling* for actual postive Sox news: we will be hearing "Black Betty" regularly over the Fenway PA for at least another year. Mike "The Bullpen Badass" Timlin has officially re-upped . Which is good, since if he hadn't, on top of everything else, there may well have been a people's revolution focused on Yawkey Way, deposing Lucchino, and installing a populist junta. I feel confident in saying that it would have fallen under Michael Walzer's theoretical group of justified interventions. ( I will cite page numbers, goddamnit.)